How To Stop Failing at Diets
Saturday night, Blakley and I had a fantastic date night.
Since we’re in Houston, authentic Mexican was on the menu.
We did it up right. Chips and queso, tostadas, tacos, quesadillas, rice, and an ice-cold Modelo Negra for yours truly.
It was fantastic.
Was it triple the calories and “less healthy” than what we normally eat?
Absolutely.
Did we feel guilty, or like we messed up?
Not a chance.
Let’s talk today about the real reason so many people get stuck in the “on again, off again” dieting cycle, and why the harder you try to be perfect, the faster you end up hitting the bottom of a bag of chips.
It’s the all-or-nothing mentality.
The “perfect or failure” mindset.
The belief that if you don’t hit 100%… it doesn’t count.
You know how it goes:
You start Monday telling yourself, “No sugar. No carbs. No “bad food” this week.”
By Wednesday afternoon, you’ve had a couple cookies, and suddenly the whole day is “ruined.”
By Friday, the switch flips, and now it’s… “Whatever. I’ll start again Monday.”
Sound familiar?
Why does this keep happening over and over and over again?
It’s not your lack of willpower.
It’s not your discipline either.
It’s definitely not that you “just need to try harder.”
It’s your mindset.
After 7+ years of nutrition coaching (especially with women) we’ve learned that the food choices aren’t the real problem. The expectation of perfection is.
So let’s break the cycle. Here are a few things you can start doing today to dismantle your all-or-nothing mindset around food:
By the way… These are strategies we’ve proven to work with both our 1:1 nutrition clients and our women-only group nutrition program.
1. Stop Using Pass/Fail Diet Rules
You didn’t “fail” because you had a cookie.
You didn’t “ruin the day” because dinner wasn’t Instagram-worthy.
All-or-nothing thinking turns one choice into a free fall.
When you remove the perfection “requirement”, there’s no switch to flip.
Balance is the goal, not a pendulum swinging from perfection to chaos.
2. Give Yourself Daily “Flexible Calories”
Restrict → Restrict → Restrict → Binge.
That’s the predictable cycle of perfectionism.
Instead, plan for enjoyment.
Give yourself 100–300 calories every day for the foods you love—on purpose. Crazy, right?
Not as a reward. Not as a cheat.
Just as part of your normal human diet.
You’ll be shocked at how fast this kills the restrict/binge pattern.
3. Focus on Addition, Not Restriction
Instead of asking, “What do I need to cut out?”
Ask, “What can I add?”
More protein.
More fiber.
More fruits and veggies.
More filling meals vs. nibbling like a rabbit.
When you add the good stuff, the less-helpful stuff naturally gets pushed out without the drama.
4. Control What You Can Control
You don’t have to write off whole weeks or whole seasons just because there are events, holidays, or travel.
Enjoy the pie at your Grandma’s house.
Have the treats on Christmas.
But when you’re home?
Control what you can. Make the smoothie. Eat the veggies.
This is the opposite of all-or-nothing. It's… normal life.
5. Change the Identity You’re Operating From
This is the deep one, so lean in.
Most people say things like:
“I always fall off track on the weekends.”
“I have no self-control around sweets.”
“I’m terrible every holiday season.”
When you believe those things, you will always act in alignment with them.
But when you shift your identity and how you think, everything changes:
“I’m someone who’s getting better at eating well on the weekends.”
“I can enjoy treats without going overboard.”
“I’m becoming someone who doesn’t need perfection to make progress.”
When your identity changes, your habits finally stick because you’re acting in alignment with what you think and say about yourself.
Sounds woo-woo, but it works.
I could go on (and trust me, Haley will), because this is exactly the kind of work she does inside our 8-week women’s only group nutrition program: The Follow Through Formula.
This program isn’t about macros, diets, or cutting out foods.
It’s about breaking the patterns that keep women stuck for years—sometimes decades.
And if the all-or-nothing thing has been your battle?
You're going to want to tune in Thursday…
Because Blakley and Haley are doing a full podcast episode diving deeper into The Follow Through Formula—what it is, how it works, and how it’s helping women finally build consistency without dieting themselves into the ground.
Stay tuned for that one.
It’s going to be good.
As someone who struggled with all-or-nothing thinking for a long time, I can tell you… It’s great to be free on the other side.
Until next time… Lift heavy, and be nice.
Jonathan